Mistaken Identity

Day: Saturday Evening
Date: 02/10/07
Location: My Driveway


The Case of Mistaken Identity


I was changing the oil in my car with my father, quite simply, we were having a very relaxing afternoon in my front yard. All was well. I got to the point where the old oil in my car had to drain from the engine block, which would take about 15 or so minutes. So, as my car sat on the ramps we had driven it onto, and the hot oil poured from beneath the settled engine, I decided to go walk around my back yard.

Before venturing out into my spacious yard, I grabbed a Soft Air BB gun, which is a toy gun that simply applies compressed air in a fashion that fires a small plastic ball from the barrel. I was planning to shoot at lizards and maybe a cat or two. I walked slowly into the back yard, carefully stepping on the grass to minimize noise. I was on the hunt.

I ambled around for 15 minutes or so shooting at insects here and there, then returned to my car to complete the oil change. I placed the gun into the car, and poured the fresh oil into the engine, after replacing the oil plug and replacing the oil filter with the new one. I drove my car off of the ramps and let the new oil saturate the engine before starting.

My father went to the front hose to wash off the oil and grease from his hands and arms, while I returned to the back yard unarmed, to further explore the terrain. I walked slowly to the back fence, which runs parallel with the canal in which I live on.

As I reached the gate, I noticed a Metro Dade Police Officer, gun drawn, patrolling the other side of the canal. He spotted me quickly and steadily held his weapon in my general direction. The radio dispatcher spoke from the radio on his shoulder repeating the "suspects" description, which oddly enough resembled my outfit perfectly. The Officer asked me the address of the home in which I stood behind, and I told him. He confirmed the address with the dispatcher.

We stared at each other while I made a very conscious effort to keep both hands in plain sight on top of the fence. He never took his eyes off of me, nor did he lower the gun from my general direction; that is, he was not directly aiming at me.

After moments of awkward silence I heard footsteps behind me, and assumed it was my father, but before I could turn around to say, "Hey Dad, some crazy shit is going down..." I heard a voice say quite forcefully, "Get on the ground." It was another officer, gun drawn, this time clearly aiming right at me. I faced him and raised both arms stating that this was my house, he didn't care. He told me to get on the ground, and I complied, but I continued to repeat that this was my house.

Face down in my own lawn, a new perspective for me, the officer put his knee in my lower back and forcefully held me down while holding his gun over me in one hand, and frisking me with the other, removing all contents of both pockets. He then yanks me off of the ground and held my hands together while escorting me to the front yard.

The fresh blades of grass begin to trickle off of my nice new shirt as I began to walk toward my house. Before we even reach the gate that divides the front lawn from the back, 4 more officers, guns drawn, approach me. The lead officer was wearing a bullet proof vest and clutching a 12-gauge shotgun with both hands. He was ready to go to war. They all escorted me to the driveway, like a convicted criminal.

At this point, I realized that my small, translucent toy gun with neon orange tip must have been misinterpreted as a real firearm. I then confessed to the officer that I had been using it in the back yard only moments ago, and that it was in the driver's side door compartment. I reached into my pocket to remotely unlock the doors so he could retrieve it himself.

He shook his head in disappointment and carried the toy to the other officers as my stunned father and I waited for some explanation. The other officers laughed and began to pass the gun around and actually played with it, firing the small pellet like ammunition into the street.

The lead officer, which had taken me from my back yard, came up to my father and I and apologized for the inconvenience. Apparently, a neighbor had called in a "home invasion." The anonymous caller told the police that I had been creeping behind the house, with a "silver" gun, pointing in my own windows.

The 10 plus police cars began to vacate my lawn as my father and I discussed the whole incident with disbelief and relief that no one (myself, in particuliar) was hurt (or more specifically shot).

PS. I still plan to shoot the cat.